Why I love my job

So as I am sure I have mentioned before I teach preschool children. This can be so fun and as there used to be a show called "Kids Say the Darndest Things" I can count on there being a moment like this almost everyday. Todays moment was this conversation:
Kid 1: I am going to be a pirate when I go outside.
Kid 2: I am going to be a booty pirate when I go outside.
Me: What is a booty pirate?
Kid 2: I don't know.
Me: How about we be either good pirates or bad pirates?
Kid 2: Nope, I am going to be a booty pirate.
Now what is a booty pirate, I ask? I guess I should ask Cap'n Dyke, maybe she knows and then again maybe not.

Or what about this conversation.
Father: Your cat has a brown tale. (the child had colored a cat with an orange body and a brown tale)
Kid: Yeah, he pooped himself.

Ok so we all know that kids say wild things, but the real surprise for me was the number of times that I have to say things I never thought I would ever have to say to a child. I have often said that one day I am going to write a book, but since I rarely remeber to write them down and well my literary skills are limited, I thought I would just post them here as I come across them. Today's, "things I never thought I would say as a teacher", are actually from the past few years;

- Take the chalk out of your ears.
- Stop painting your arms. (this can also go for face, hair, legs or friends)
- Stop eating the cereal off the floor. (this can also go for chicken nuggets, tater tots, fries, and spaghetti)
- Stop licking the milk from the floor/table.
- Stop dancing on the table.
- Don't lick the mustard off the scissors.
- Don't lick the scissor. (this is a separate instance than the previous one)
- Stop eating your snot.
- Don't eat the paint.
- Do not lick your friends face.
- Stop barking at him/her you are scaring them.
- Take the vacuum (yes a real vacuum) off of your friends.
- Don't eat the chalk.
- Don't eat the mulch.
- Take your head out of the toilet.
- Take your foot/shoes out of the toilet.
- Don't wipe the poop on the walls anymore.

I work with 4 and 5 year olds, some of this stuff would seem to be common sense, but I guess it isn't. That is all for today in the this installment of "Things I never thought I would say as a teacher".